


As Long As I Dare

by evening_spirit



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Carlos is a hopeless romantic, M/M, TK is a mess, mention of Owen's cancer, shameless headcanons, the secret is out, warning: suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22400608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evening_spirit/pseuds/evening_spirit
Summary: Carlos learns about Owen's cancer and he seeks T.K. out. He finds more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand
Comments: 10
Kudos: 188





	As Long As I Dare

**Author's Note:**

> When it hits it hits *shrug*  
Boys' characterization is headcanon. Because what else can it be after two episodes, right? When I headcanon though, I headcanon hard, so there's a lot you may not agree with. Beware of heavy themes (suicidal ideation) and if it might bother you, steer clear. Take care of yourself first and foremost. *huggles*

They haven't spoken outside of professional capacity for ten days. Carlos counted. He was hopeless that way; when he fell in love, he fell hard and at the moment he hated himself for it. It's not that he wouldn't get over TK eventually. He would, of course he would, as soon as he met someone else, who would turn his head. The problem was he hadn't met anyone new in those ten days, while he saw TK all the time.

And today he heard guys gossip about that badass guy, the new Cap of firehouse 126 – he was still the new guy, even if he stormed his way into the community with quite a gusto – and they said the man had cancer. Carlos didn't want to believe it at first, but the guys said the news came straight from Judd Ryder, and that man wouldn't spread unnecessary rumors.

Carlos considered seeking out TK for all of five seconds. Then he went to the firehouse and found him quite easily.

TK was sorting out the gear after their recent call.

"Hey," Carlos called out as he approached the fireman. Suddenly he wasn't so brave. He wanted to apologize for pushing earlier. No wonder TK wasn't into starting anything, what with his father being sick and moving here; so many changes. A no-strings-attached kind of a relationship might be just what he wanted, no surprise there.

No what he needed, though. Carlos firmly believed that having people around you, who you could rely on in difficult times, was supremely important.

If he was going to force it on TK, then he would. Gently. But with the stubbornness that got him into all kinds of trouble – and wonderful things too – before.

He sighed and said with compassionate sincerity, "I heard about your Old Man."

TK looked up, his eyes guarded behind a forced blank expression.

"Yeah?" he spat the syllable like it was a bullet. Defensive then.

"Yeah," Carlos kept his voice warm and soft. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

TK grabbed his helmet from the floor and turned away, like the conversation was over.

It wasn't though. Not if Carlos had any say in it.

"Hey!" he called. "TK!" He waited for the fireman to turn back to him, then asked gently, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm good." TK shrugged, holding onto his helmet. Smirked even. "I'm not the one who's sick," he said like Carlos was dumb.

"I know." Carlos smiled and slowly closed the distance between them. Held TK's mocking gaze. "But it affects you too, I mean. He's your father and you guys are pretty close, so. Just. Wanted to know if you're okay?"

Mockery gone from TK's eyes, it left pure anger there.

"I'm okay," he said barely opening his mouth. "I maybe just regret it's not me, instead of him, but…"

He broke eye-contact, pulled away like he wanted to take those words back.

They revealed a lot of inner pain, but weren't so unusual. "I know." Carlos wanted to hug him. "That's how people often feel…" he tried but TK didn't quite register him speaking.

"Would have solved so many problems," he muttered, staring into the distance with such dark stare it actually threw Carlos off. He didn't know what to say to that and being rendered speechless was not something that happened to Carlos Reyes often.

TK seemed to shake himself out of whatever dark thoughts plagued him, as he shrugged his whole body, took a deep breath and turned to Carlos again.

"Yeah, anyway." He smiled and it almost seemed authentic. "He says he's fine too, you know. Not that bad I mean. He's gonna get his treatments and he's gonna get better. So. It's all fine."

"That's good." Carlos replied like an idiot. TK's sudden one-eighty was too staggering for him to think about anything more eloquent.

"Yeah, good." TK outright grinned and started to turn away again.

Carlos wasn't going to have that.

"Still." He hurried forward and pulled TK's elbow. "If you ever want to talk…"

TK froze. The changes in his behavior and demeanor were seriously head-spinning. Now his eyes were ice-old.

"That's the thing, though," he hissed. "Talk." Now he closed the distance between them. Moved his helmet out of the way, so their chests were almost touching. His lips were next to Carlos's cheek as he whispered, "I don't wanna talk." his breath tickled Carlos's earlobe. "I want to fuck you senseless." In the brief moment after those words Carlos felt his dick stir in his pants. Damn, TK was hot.

He took a step back though, mocking smirk back on his lips.

"But I guess that's out of the question without talking, right?"

"Hey. No." Carlos breathed out. Both because he really wanted to give TK a shoulder to lean on, but also because he actually meant his next words. "Not necessarily," he tried. "I mean I kind of regret pushing for commitment and stuff. Sex was great. If I'm honest, I miss it."

"Do you though?"

"Mhm. Yeah. I do."

"No you don't." TK spat and faltered. "I mean maybe, but… Mostly you want to get closer to me on my terms. Or so you think."

It was kind of astounding how well TK read him.

"Well…"

"And that's plain stupid," he said. "Because you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"Maybe I want to try? Maybe I want to find out?"

TK narrowed his eyes, then suddenly blurted with raw honesty,

"Three suicide attempts. Fourth in the making, I'm just not gonna do it to my Old Man, with all the shit he's dealing with now."

Carlos almost took a step back, like he was physically punched by those words. He pulled himself together at the last moment. TK didn't need to see him run away so fast.

"Whoa. Okay, that's heavy," he said nonetheless. It's not like he could actually downplay brutal honesty like that.

TK's lips twisted in something that definitely wasn't a smile.

"That's something you want to stay away from." He put his open palm on Carlos's chest like he was going to push him away. If words didn't work, maybe gestures would. "You're a good guy Carlos and you deserve someone who's… not… a mess. You don't want to get ruined over me." He looked up and for the first time his eyes weren't guarded, mocking. This was for real. "And I don't wanna ruin you," he added in a small voice. "You're uh… You're a good guy. I don't wanna taint it."

Carlos grabbed his wrist and held his hand closer to his chest. To his heart.

"I think it's already too late. Not the tainting part," he fumbled. "just--"

"Don't do this." TK cut in.

"You won't get rid of me," Carlos said with more certainty than he actually felt.

His heart was hammering in his chest. He knew it was fucked up. TK was… TK was beautiful. He was passionate, brave, hotheaded and with great sense of humor when he was in a mood for it. Funny in such an intelligent way. When he loved, he was all in, Carlos could already feel that, by the way he spoke about his father. Whatever else there was, if it came with the package, Carlos would take it. Yeah, when he fell in love, he was all in as well.

"You won't get rid of me," he repeated and this time he meant it.

#

.end

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
